When is a wine at fault?

'You are about to enter the courtroom of Judge Judith Sheindlin.' Oh bliss! 'The people are real ... the cases are real ... the rulings are final.' Oh joy! 'This is ... Judge Judy.' Oh rapture! Three simple sentences introducing one of daytime television's great guilty pleasures – though I don't imagine Judy taking kindly to such lay ascription of guilt. 'I'll be the Judge of that, sir,' she'd admonish, those Brooklyn vowels coming at me like an angle grinder.

It's surprising that the daily proceedings of a small claims court should pull in almost three times as many...